It does not seem to get anywhere. Tried to make it and the result is disappointing. Money has never been enough to cover the cost.

Women.

Not a good idea to think of them. But now, rather to avoid them. “We can’t live without them.” Living them? God bless.

Things have never been so wrong. Life made a wrong turn. Before I was sick and poor. Now I am not as sick as before. But not enough to feel good either.

I’ve been thinking that there are tricky things around. So I wonder, what a life role has so much. It will only get harder and harder. Why can not I get something better.

Lots of questions when down. Pray? Do something? Any strategy works a bit and then lost somewhere.

I take a wild guess now. Simple life is good. And pray to God for not to reveal the answer too quickly.

Get to get rid of extra, extra, extra.

Too much weight. Too much siting in the car. Too much cooking and eating.

Get to get more reading. Education is not enough to have anything in life. Don’t have anything yet.

What is on earth making me   nervous all the time? Why can not I have a moment of joy. Am I having a mood disorder or what?

Avoid all those.

What about those time, emotion, money, love that invested? If they are all gone in one word. Will that cause someone to fall, badly fall.

Time to enjoy the peace, a cup of red tea, and a sunny afternoon in the city of Toronto.

As always, I emphasize my business strategy on two parts: one is the product – the service and the management. The other one is the marketing tools.

But They are not enough. Business is sliding and sometimes hopeless.

So what’s wrong?

The market is not strong enough. That is for sure. Everyday there are negative reports from the whole business environment: the emplyment rate is dropping, and inflation is coming.

Guess it is not a time to laugh, but to change the lifestyle: try to make money and spend within the budget.

I, myself, needs a change for more comfort. The financial crisis and the economic recession are so deep that I am already in red. Change for better.

My business needs a promotion, a better place, a location that is closer to my customers. That is the best it can get now.

Need  a regular job as well. At least, for some stable income.

Damn! Hope that will work.

当然不是个科学的说法。即使从心情讲，也不是这样感觉。但是今天，忽然的就生出这个主意。支持一下试试。

临沂的烤牌，有芝麻有椒盐，香脆适口。尤以郯城马头镇的吊炉烤牌最佳，让人神往。吃东西不在好，在于合适。象我较胖，胆固醇高，肉，油都不敢碰，看到吃的就犯愁。想起十几年前健康的时候，觉得那时一切都是对的了。这个瞬间，月是故乡明。

故乡的土地，不论在哪里，感觉始终有巴掌那么大一块是我的财产，也许就是小时走路是脚下掩藏的那一块吧。

故乡人杰，讲义气，喜欢外出。外出则小心，多礼，人不烦我我不烦人，都是土老冒。

什么地方有个picture：故乡的柴垛，树影，细窗亮的灯火，是冬天。云中月照着一群孩子，在捉迷藏。也许是天上卫星拍摄的，也许是存在于每个孩子心中的，世世代代流传下来的。

故乡月，有时明。：-）

得已，开始计划减肥：减脂肪、减胆固醇。

上网找，发现：

1. 乌龙茶可以减脂肪，铁观音或者普洱都好。薏米也好。最好山楂，价廉物美。山楂和乌梅煮的茶可以天天喝。

2. 茄子蒸了之后凉拌，减胆固醇。减胆固醇的还有

a.豆制品（豆腐，豆奶），

b. 硬壳果子（杏仁最好，花生，开心果）.

c. 各种蔬菜，胡萝卜，辣椒

d. 人造奶油（据说欧美有，中国没有）、

是真的。

还没有数字，但是腰带扣不是那么紧了。

多少次我牵挂远方的你

许多年没有了你的消息

过去的你总是毫不在意

说着我不是你的唯一

这些年你还是孤单自己

没有人陪伴的岁月孤寂

希望有天你能回心转意

再继续我们的爱情传奇

爱不是游戏 不能说去就去

爱情是欢喜 是相依相惜

如果你放低顾虑 再爱一次

我会说我愿意 我愿意

人世的纷攘中，我怀念母亲略带哀愁的慈母关怀。

假使有一天我离开你们，不是因为远方更美，而是我付不起爱你们的帐。让我说：I am sorry, I love you.但我要走了。

从北京到故乡，有一列直达的火车。多年以来，都是乘它来往于两地。

乘火车旅行比较枯燥。欢乐的几次是和女朋友一起。

现在的火车提速了，有空调，饭菜也好过以前。

现在在天涯，故乡只是想像而已，有零星的信息，宁愿他是幻想了。

与家乡渐渐失去了联系。彼非彼，此非此。祝福他们，为他们祈祷。祝他们健康欢乐。永远有一杯烧酒是留给他们的。

这首歌，纪念渐渐远离的故乡，亲人，和曾经的恋人们。

Decide to start my new workout tomorrow.

In this deeper-and-deeper financial crisis, each of us has to find a way out. At least, found the “break through opportunity”.

Prepare and exercise for better. Hope for the best. Pray for magic.

A-men.

Sorry that I assaulted you. I truely feel sorry for what I did and the pain that I caused you. Right now, I have no rights to ask you more.

But I want you to know that: I am sorry, I love you.

in January, police arrested me and charged me for assault. I stayed in jail for 24 hours.

I don’t like jail. The cell is empty with a stone bed and a toilet. I could not sleep that night. And in the early next morning, I was sent to court. While in cell waiting to see the judge, I determined that I should not stay there if there is any possibility. People there are hopeless.

Me too.

Fortunately, I was bailed out. That is another hard world, but at least, I can do something to improve the feelings better. I learned that there is nothing bigger becuase all you need in this out-jail world is to take care of yourself. At least myself.

Thanks.

update:

After 4 months of being in a program called mental health diversion, the charge was withdrawal by the crown, but still in a program called Peace bond resolution. Basically I am freer than I was before. What a relief! ..

人世的纷攘中，我怀念母亲略带哀愁的慈母关怀

我们有许多事要做，但我们得不时的安静一下。为什么要安静呢？找个真实感觉。

我们人类是地球上的统治者，会制造工具，有5000年的文明历史。这会造成一种错觉，就是自大。想想宇宙存在几千亿年，距离达到几千亿光年，形形色色的

星球大到比地球大不知道多少倍。我们不是大，而是小。鲸鱼都比我们大。还有无奈，有的星球我们永远也到不了。

时间是什么？那么大个星球，不着边际的在宇宙中悬在那里，什么都不知道。

所以想想，不知道的好。

知道了吗？

New York是个很让人向往的地方：是财富是天堂。

想像一对恋人，在地铁里，手持玫瑰，轻声诉说，最后拥抱而散场。他们的生命要继续，无法回头，路在前方。就这样，分别像从未来过。

纽约之爱，希望大家喜欢。

上海窈窕女，

顾盼自多情。

不谈家乡事，

只读开心书。

有时颇惆怅，

平常无恒心。

问起何故来，

明眸望长安。

Year 2008 is bad luck. It is now getting worse. 2009 seems to be a terrible time that started today.

Got up early at 4 to pickup someone and send them to the airport. Came back and send another one to a school and

stayed in the old house for a while. Cleared out the room and got books that I need to my new apartment. It was a lot of work.

At the time I came back. The girlfriend is gone. Called her and she said she was in a casino. This is one of the bad luck.

Meet two policemen in a pizza pizza store, talking stupid. I left that place quickly.

I am late for the next customer. I suppose to be there at 8:45. When I got there and called her, there was no answer. another

bad luck.

The girlfriend seems stupid. No work, no income, fooling around all the time. never get anything done. Before I met her, I make

a couple of thousand dollars a month. now I lose thousand of dollars each month. How do I end it?

I have 3 friends that I know deeply. I mean we kill each other, on chess board.

in the year of 2000, when I first talked to some AIG people, I realized there was something unregulated. I would not say it was fraud, but it really was a technical game - people could get money from the company with the help from professionals, for example, doctors.

From my view, basically AIG reached the market sector that was not economically strong, or rather vulnerable. I believe there was good will, but without technically regulated methods, there were risks. It was not clear where it was wrong. EVen today, it is still not clear to me that where the problem is. But certainly, it made me uncomfortable. I remember I said to my partner that "if we don't know it well enough, we should not get involved.", after losing some money.

Some other issues as well: I felt excited when I heard that it did not take any money to buy a house. I was going to do it and later dismissed the idea. Something else comes with that excitement. I believe that is insecurity.

This might be the floating part of the iceberg that caused this financial crisis. :(

My sister gave birth to a baby girl, 7lbs 2oz in mont sinai hospital on Friday, Oct. 24, 2008. Congratulations to them!