I have a new space. Click here to it.

Looking back, life winded through. Looking forward, hopefully it will still be winding and through. So, one day I can say, “that’s me. I winded through.”

09.09.02

Painted a condo. Two bedrooms and a living room. Two students are way too slow. It took us 5 hours to finish. I was so disappointed. That was my second painting contract. Anyway, we shared the pay and I probably did not even make any money. I mean I should have made and made more, and I did not. Maybe my offer to those jobs were under charged. …

Dad is sick. I prayed for him. Hope he will get over it soon. … Dad! God bless you.

09.08.31

Making $30 a day now, while have two other drivers taking care part of the business. We all need income. I am “雷锋“.

Wrote a poem on a internet forum.

俏佳人

欲语眼儿忙，

恐扯昨夜伤。

情到痴心处，

泪洗无痕香。

09.08.24

Market.

Worry, worry. I decide to go on the business. Concentrate on market development.

09.08.21

Jan left, the third time. 

We've been struggling for a year. We had fun, cried, played and laughed. In jail, on court, at home cooking, outside falling. ...

Can not concentrate on anything now. Put hope on business.

09.08.21

Jan left, the third time. she was found naked on bed with another guy.

We've been struggling for a year. We had fun, cried, played and laughed. In jail, on court, at home cooking, outside falling. ...

Can not concentrate on anything now. Put hope on business.

Different this time. The ER doctor said it was situational crisis + depression. Tomorrow at 8 am, I will meet the crisis team at NYGH. What will happen? I don’t know. The worst I can expect is that the police will arrest me for not being able to follow the bail condition.

update:

After meeting with the crisis team, I finally talked with a psychiatrist. We agreed that I should go to day hospital for a duration of time.

Right now, trying to stay hopeful, Cry if possible.

Why Christie pit? That is what a chinese woman asked a white women, who are mental patients. Not big one, but any one.

I used to live nearby that park. It is a beautiful, big pit. A swimming pool, a baseball field, a soccer field and a picnic area.

Walked around them a lot. but I was a weird one. People laughed at me when I joined the soccer team and played in a strong way.

Every summer there is a festival of Korea. It is next to Korea town.

Left that for Seneca college in 2004. Have not really gone back and join more activities. A very close one is I passed there while applying for a job in a restaurant there.

College did not graduate me. Lots of time passed. It is 2009 now. Very Sad.

Sometimes we just want to make a conversation, but anything recalls some memory.

Toronto government workers are on strike now. No one is taking garbage, so Christie pit is a place to dump garbage. All garbage there, now. I guess.

So we go somewhere else.

It does not seem to get anywhere. Tried to make it and the result is disappointing. Money has never been enough to cover the cost.

Women.

Not a good idea to think of them. But now, rather to avoid them. “We can’t live without them.” Living them? God bless.

Things have never been so wrong. Life made a wrong turn. Before I was sick and poor. Now I am not as sick as before. But not enough to feel good either.

I’ve been thinking that there are tricky things around. So I wonder, what a life role has so much. It will only get harder and harder. Why can not I get something better.

Lots of questions when down. Pray? Do something? Any strategy works a bit and then lost somewhere.

I take a wild guess now. Simple life is good. And pray to God for not to reveal the answer too quickly.

Get to get rid of extra, extra, extra.

Too much weight. Too much siting in the car. Too much cooking and eating.

Get to get more reading. Education is not enough to have anything in life. Don’t have anything yet.

What is on earth making me   nervous all the time? Why can not I have a moment of joy. Am I having a mood disorder or what?

Avoid all those.

What about those time, emotion, money, love that invested? If they are all gone in one word. Will that cause someone to fall, badly fall.

Time to enjoy the peace, a cup of red tea, and a sunny afternoon in the city of Toronto.